My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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