I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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