did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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