hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
