youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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