Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I need water and some morals
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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