She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
