I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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