he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
