After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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