I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
