never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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