im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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