hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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