My pussy is not your playground.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
