Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
there is glitter all over my balls
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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