i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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