I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I cannot find my penis.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
