remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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