my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
