I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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