One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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