He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
