So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the condom got lost in my hair
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
