The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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