I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They have beer where we have blood.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize