I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
