I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
