I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize