im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
