Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
