my being single is dangerous.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Randomize
