i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
