You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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