I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
