My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
