i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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