Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Can Purell be used as lube?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
