better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
sarcasm needs its own font
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
