Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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