I hate all girls vehemently.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Are these your boobs on my camera?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
