i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
