I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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