Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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