He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
