I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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