How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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