It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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