I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
