I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
