So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it's like heaven, but drunker
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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