theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
