Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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