Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
