my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
