No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
