First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
