Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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