hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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