he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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