PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My dick has a subreddit
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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