90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
3 2 1 whiskey
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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