Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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