We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
