My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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