Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
