That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize