That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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