You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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