I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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