when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
