thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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