i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
