Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im holly from the hills drunk
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
