just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i think i just lost a toe
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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