I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
