life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
