Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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