Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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