xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize